What’s for dinner?

I don’t usually whine (extended pause for close family and friends and especially The Hubs to laugh and wipe away their tears. {Don’t you think that tears that are created while laughing should have a different name? Something happy? Chears. I laughed so hard, I cried chears.  Let’s make this happen})

Okay, I don’t usually whine, but I’m at a point where I’m struggling to find meals here in Nigeria. Not in the world-famine type of problem finding food.  On a side note: The Hubs and I never, ever throw out food here.  Think back to your childhood. Where did your mother say there were starving children? Yep. Exactly.  Hence we are devoted leftoverians.

Here’s where my problem lies:

• Convenience foods are out (Fine yes, I’ve read the articles. I know that convenience foods should be out anyway, just based on the fact that they are full of lab-grown death particles or whatever. But dammit, sometimes a girl needs some Kraft Mac n Cheese) because the prices are generally exorbitant.  Like…. I have to draw the line at paying $8 for Kraft Mac n Cheese, only to find bugs loafing about in my noodle box.
• Local goods are easy enough to get and the prices are beautiful, but uh, I don’t know what to do with goat-flavored bouillon cubes and yam flour.  So the items I’m familiar with are being shipped in.  There’s no guarantee that an item will be at the shop you last saw it and then you’re also saddled with the additional problem of trying to remember where in Hades you saw Panko bread crumbs, because you know you did.
• Meat is expensive and people are of varying opinions regarding the quality of it.  The long-timers tell me that they used to be able to choose their own chicken to have killed, in front of them.  Yeah… not sorry I missed that opportunity.  Most of the meat is imported from South Africa and is good quality.  But it is one of those things in which a recipe calls for 1lb of meat, I’m going to use 1/3 lb of meat and substitute the meat for a veggie (don’t bring this subject up with The Hubs.  He’s a bit cranky about the meat scarcity).  Apparently it’s an unconscionable* act to create Sloppy Joes and replace most of the meat with zucchini innards.
• Most non-fresh foods have to be created from scratch…an act I have the time, but not the skill level for.  For example, I was looking at an oatmeal, caramel, and apple cookie that is supposed to be divine.  It calls for chewy caramel candies.  Knowing that I would struggle to find those (I assume), I started looking into how to make caramel. Holy gravy, Batman.  They want me to have a flak-jacket, safety impact goggles, recently updated will, and a vat of ice water on reserve for when I inevitably burned my flesh off of my body and into the caramel.

Yes, I know. I don’t really have problems. I just don’t have dinner.

*  My housekeeper  got really concerned and asked me if I was in pain and if it was the baby.  Apparently I was making a really strange face while trying 6 or 11 times to figure out how to spell “unconscionable”.  She didn’t know how to spell it either.