There is a word that I would like to teach you:
Oga: ‘Big Man’ or a boss
I imagine that when I say we’re living in a hotel, you imagine a basic Super 8 type deal. When I tell you that I’m living in the top hotel in Nigeria, you’re suddenly in the grand hall of the Waldorf-Astoria, right? Let’s go back to that Super 8.
In truth, the hotel has done a fine job of renovating and expanding. And the rooms do a fine job with the sleeping and the storing of stuff. I have yet to have a floor collapse nor have we experienced more than a bug or two loitering in our rooms. (We did not check for bed bugs. We will not check for bed bugs. Ignorance is bliss, my friends.)
The biggest change that I’ve dealt with is the fact that each room is a crap shoot on what will 1. work, 2. exist, 3. smell. We’ve been here for 4 works, and have had 5 rooms. We move for a variety of reasons, whether it be for maintenance, an upgrade, or the whims of the staff in reservations. In 5 rooms, we’ve had 4 different brands of TVs, 3 different furniture styles, and beds that have varied from concrete hard to just unimaginably unfit for sleep. There is a lack of consistency in the hotel which makes each room a new adventure.
Upon entering our new room, I flopped down on the bed. I’m not sure how long I was out, but I regained consciousness and spent several minutes trying to catch my breath after being severely winded. Do.Not.Flop. You can stop your search, I have found the world’s hardest mattress.
The Hubs, though, had a plan. This is where our new word comes in to play. He fancies himself as Oga. In essence, if you’re willing to pay a tip, most anything can be accomplished here. And since we’re still in that this-isn’t-a-dollar-it’s-Monopoly-money thing that happens when in a foreign country, working with foreign currency, it is easy to throw tips around. In fact, “What do you have for me?” may be the unofficial slogan of the country.
In any case, The Hubs called in two room servicemen who proceeded to drag a mattress from a vacant room down the hall, strip our bed, switch out the mattresses, and trudge back down the hall with the errant mattress. Meanwhile, I was hiding in the other room, as my embarrassment wouldn’t allow me to be a part of this.
Another issue (in another room. All that work and we had to leave our mattress behind!) was the fact that we lack an appropriate cable to play video games on the TVs here. I’ll allow for a moment of genuine sympathy at our plight. So The Hubs calls in the technology guy, who assessed the situation, told The Hubs that a spare part is needed, and that it is not in the hotel.
At this point, I would have thanked the kind man for his time and let it go. In truth, I probably wouldn’t have even called anyone, let alone followed the path of Oga Hubs. Somehow The Hubs convinced him to take that next step. That step involved a motor-bike and an hour long trip to the mainland to get our spare wire. And the man came back, thoroughly weather-worn, and got us set up. All Hail The X-Box.
Now The Hubs is working on us getting new TVs installed. They’re available on other floors, but have yet to make their way to our floor. However, when the man said, “If you want a big TV, then you shall have one,” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.
Nigeria is ruining Oga Hubs.
